I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
