She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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