I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
