dude i'm inner monologue high
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
