The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I want to be your penis for a week.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize