My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
