i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
