eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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