Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
