dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
