wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
