it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
