She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
