OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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