i already hear my dad disowning me
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
