At least make sure they are 18
Why
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm just crazy horny about you
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
