my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
