Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
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how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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