I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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