sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
