I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
