Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
