I heard we made out
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
no you cant smoke seaweed
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
