Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
