I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
