He uses pillows to masturbate.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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