It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
