i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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