Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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