I showed him my bush... on skype.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
my penis made a compromise with my morals
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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