do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
