Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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