We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
