I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Blood and glitter go together right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize