can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
