Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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