I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
