Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
