My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize