Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
