Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
