So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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