So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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