I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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