so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
