he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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