toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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