Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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