what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
