what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
