i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
and she was petting her beer can
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
