Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
