best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
