Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Floor bacon is actually really good
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
