Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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