I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
