Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
