Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
