Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
