she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
