i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
