the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
