If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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