Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
