I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
