his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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