sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
