I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
