Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
