I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
