I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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