I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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