Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
