a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
we should paint friendship bongs
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