from now on my penis is your penis
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
