Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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