he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
